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A Short Story on the Pumpkin-Obsessed

or...

The top 10 reasons to use your pumpkins for something other than pie!

The details from the story recently mentioned on BuzzFeed :

One day in early September this year my wife, the ultimate Disney fan, came to me and said, "we should carve Disney pumpkins this year!" In the past I've been known to get a bit carried away on such projects. Why should this year be any different? Go big or go home, I always say. "Disney? OK. So what should we carve then?" I responded. The Haunted Mansion Singing Busts? Madame Leota? Stitch destroying a pumpkin patch? Spaceship Earth? No... how about the entirety of Main Street USA. To her credit, my wife did not immediately call me insane. That came later.

After about a month of planning, the shopping phase began. Paint, model trees, candles, check check check. Then came the pumpkin patch. After a bit of confusion with navigation instructions, my wife and I arrived at a fine pumpkin provisioning establishment. We started by searching through the patch for the many pumpkins I knew we would need. Then, I spotted the Big Ones off to the side. "Ooooo", I said. So how does one lift a 120 pound pumpkin into the car? One doesn't. Three do.

Finally, it was carving day. Or, more accurately, carving week. First came painting the base and wiring up the lights. Only a small amount of smoke was involved (our pup loves the smoke alarms so I try to set them off regularly). My wife offered to gut the pumpkins, which I quickly accepted. Does anyone else always hear the Psycho Theme every time you first cut into a pumpkin? Just me? OK.

Starting with the small pumpkins, things moved quickly. Spirits were high and after 3 hours we had 3 carved pumpkins to show for our hard work! Then the fourth pumpkin took 3 hours, and the fifth took 4. Only copious quantities of caffeine could save us now.

In the end, it took 33 hours of carving spread over 3 days. The final result is 4 feet tall, and depicts the entirety of Main Street, USA from the Magic Kingdom, Walt Disney World Resort. Special details include the famous Partners statue of Mickey Mouse & Walt Disney, the Main Street Confectionery, the tramway, gourd fireworks, and, of course, Cinderella Castle (when I mentioned that the pumpkins making up the castle were big enough for my wife to sleep in, it didn't exactly fulfil her dream of spending a night in the Castle Suite).

Soon the pumpkins will begin to rot and they will be banished to the back yard. I'm sure they will make a fine high rise apartment complex for the squirrels, conveniently located next to their treasure pile of pumpkin seeds. Was it all worth it? You decide.

Meanwhile, enjoy answers to some of the frequently asked questions I've received:

What did you use to carve the pumpkins?

The only tools used in carving the pumpkins were an X-Acto knife, a kitchen knife, a spoon, a pumpkin saw, an electric drill, and lots of take-out food.

Where did you learn to carve pumpkins like that?!

Ohio

Your friends and family must be pretty impressed.

We don't get invited to pumpkin carving parties any more.

How much did those huge pumpkins cost?

I don't know. I closed my eyes when they handed me the receipt.

What did you do with all the pumpkin guts?

Mostly trampled them around the house.

Wow! How many pumpkin pies could you make with all that?!

If all of the pumpkins in the carving were used to make pumpkin pie, they could feed a family of 4 for 168 years and would require 8 cement trucks of cinnamon spice*.

* Figures may be exaggerated.